WHY DOESN’T SHE LEAVE?

Whilst the risk of staying may be very high, simply leaving the relationship does not guarantee that the abuse will stop. In fact, the period during which a woman is planning or making her exit is often the most dangerous time for her and her children. It is common for perpetrators to threaten to harm or even kill their partners or children if she leaves.

Reasons why a woman may not be ready to leave:

• She may still care for her partner and hope that he will change (many women don't necessarily want to leave the relationship, they just want the abuse to stop).
• She may feel ashamed about what has happened or believe that it is her fault.
• She may be scared of the future (where she will go, what she will do for money, whether she will have to hide forever and what will happen to the children).
• She may worry about money and supporting herself and her children.
• She may feel too exhausted or unsure to make any decisions.
• She may be isolated from family or friends or be prevented from leaving the home or reaching out for help.
• She may not know where to go.
• She may have low self-esteem as a result of the abuse.
• She may believe that it is better to stay for the sake of the children.

Women and children need to know that they will be taken seriously and that their rights will be enforced. They need to have accessible options and be supported to make safe changes for themselves and their children. Some of the resources and support they will need to leave safely include: money, housing, help with moving, transport, on-going protection from the Gardai, legal support to protect her and the children, a guaranteed income and emotional support. If a woman is not sure if these are available to her, it may prevent her from leaving.

Women may also seek support from family or friends and the quality of the support they receive is likely to have a significant influence on their decision-making. Sometimes women will make several attempts to leave before they actually leave permanently and safely. Regardless of her decision, it is important that the support a woman receives enables her to increase her and her children's safety regardless of the choices she makes.

It is vitally important that women are also supported while living with their abusers. If a woman feels that she will not be given on-going support while she stays with her abusive partner, she is unlikely to seek help from the same person or organisation again.