DOMESTIC ABUSE
About Domestic Abuse
'Abuse takes different forms doesn’t it? It doesn’t have to be physical, I mean, verbal abuse can be just as hurtful. It is very hurtful and can take longer to get over. When you’re having something repeatedly said to you, like the name calling, then that’s how you see yourself....’
‘While I was in the refuge I was put on the housing list. A house came up where I originally came from so I wasn’t too far away from my family.'
‘I thought maybe they were safe from it all, but....it’s not until you leave that you realise that they were actually experiencing it as well. I used to think, oh, I’ll keep quiet, they won’t know.’
What is domestic abuse?
Domestic abuse is one of the most commonly unreported crimes in Ireland.
Domestic abuse, also frequently called domestic violence, refers to the use of physical or emotional force or the threat of physical force, or sexual violence, in close adult relationships. This includes violence perpetrated by a spouse, partner, son, daughter or any other person who has a close or blood relationship with the victim. The term 'domestic abuse' goes beyond actual physical violence. It can also involve: emotional abuse; destruction of property; isolation from friends, family and other potential sources of support; threats to others including children; stalking; and control over access to money, personal items, food, transportation or the telephone.
In the majority of incidences of violence against women, including that of sexual assault, the attacker is not a stranger but is known to the victim and is likely to have, or have had an intimate relationship with the woman. Whether it is sexual assault, rape, physical assault or emotional abuse, women are at greater risk from husbands, boyfriends, male relatives and acquaintances than from strangers. Violent attacks of this nature are rarely once-off occurrences, but are likely to be persistent and frequent with the objective of instilling fear in victims.
Source: The Task Force Report on Violence Against Women 1997.
Domestic abuse happens in all kinds of relationships. It can take place between couples - whether they are married, dating or co-habiting, and whether or not they have children. It can take place between family members - such as mother and son, father and daughter or uncle and niece. The abuser may be a man or a woman.
What are the types of domestic abuse?
Domestic abuse takes place when one person behaves aggressively towards another person; that person may be a spouse, girlfriend or a boyfriend.
Domestic abuse can be:
- physical
- emotional or verbal
- sexual
- financial
Physical abuse includes:
- being pushed, punched and slapped
- being beaten with an object or weapon
- being kicked
- being stabbed
- being spat and urinated on
- being bitten
- being pulled by the hair
- having your head banged off walls etc.
- being burnt or scalded
- being beaten and raped
- being thrown down the stairs
- property being destroyed including e.g. cars, furniture, clothes, or the home
- putting your physical safety at risk through reckless behaviour e.g. while driving
Emotional/verbal abuse includes:
- name calling and constantly being put down
- roaring and shouting at you
- controlling or criticising what you wear and not allowing you to wear make up
- accusations of being unfaithful
- keeping you awake with constant talking, questioning or making accusations
- controlling your movement and who you talk to
- checking your car mileage
- checking your phone calls, text messages and emails
- threatening to harm or kill you or your children
- threatening to harm or kill himself if you leave or tell others
- threatening to report you to social welfare, social services, etc.
- isolating you from your family and friends
- taking your car keys and phone so that you are unable to seek help
- following you from room to room or checking on where you are going or where you are
- threats to harm pets
Sexual abuse includes:
- being raped
- being forced to take part in sexual acts against your will
- being made to feel that it's your duty to have sex with your partner
- your partner demanding sex or sexual acts
- being forced to watch and/or use pornography or other sexual aids
- being forced to have sex with another person or persons other than your partner
Financial abuse includes:
- taking control of the money in the household
- not being allowed to have your own income
- not being allowed to have a payment in your own name
- having to account for everything you spend, including producing receipts
- not being allowed to buy personal items
- withholding money unless you do what he tells you
- denying money for food, clothes, bills, etc.
- non-payment of bills and leaving you in debt or without utilities etc.
- spending all the money on his addictions, such as alcohol, gambling and drugs
Why do some men abuse?
Generally, men who abuse do it to control their partner. The abuser may believe that, as the man, he is head of the household or family and has the right to make all the decisions. This is not true. You have the right to make decisions that affect you. You have the right to your own opinions, to express them, and to be taken seriously.
Society makes it easier for abuse to continue by ignoring the seriousness of domestic abuse. This is partly because, in the past, many people believed that what went on in people's homes was their own private business, including domestic abuse.
Now the law states that domestic abuse is a crime. It is recognised that women have the right to a life free from abuse. Society must say NO to domestic abuse if it is to end.
